NBC’s hit show, This Is Us, has captured many hearts since its debut in September 2016. Recently, this show has aired an episode where Kate has a preemie at 28 weeks gestation, and it has had created an uproar amongst the preemie community all across the world.
Some moms have stated, “I was crying so hard…it hit too close to home”, and others have blatantly said they “can’t bring themselves to watch it”.
Moms who have had preemies all experience trauma. Their birthing stories are far from the normal sweet moments we all envision after becoming pregnant. Many moms are hospitalized days or weeks prior to try and prolong pregnancy through the use of medications and medical interventions. Others are whisked into emergency surgeries due to life threatening complications such as HELPP or placenta previa. All of these moms are frightened down to their bones that their baby may die or live with life threatening or altering conditions.
If the birth was not traumatic enough, the aftermath may even be worse. Typically, these preemie families spend months in the Neotnatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU) afterwards as their baby learns to do the most basic functions, such as breathing, eating, and keeping their heart rate going.
Here, these families are greeted with so many heavy emotions, fear, panic, worry, guilt, exhaustion, confusion, sadness, helplessness. The list goes on and so does the time in the NICU.
Many preemie moms share that even after their discharge from the NICU, they are scathed for life. The trauma continues. Often, these preemie babies do suffer from lifelong conditions (eg cerebral palsy, genetic abnormalities, feeding disorders, etc) that lead to a life of special needs no mom ever imagined.
When Kate’s water ruptured spontaneously, my heart immediately sank. First, I feared the worst, but then, I felt this weird jealousy. I KNOW, RIGHT? It was as if I was like, “yeah, no way… she will probably carry to term. Lucky her.” Now, don’t get me wrong. Never, EVER, do I wish the NICU upon anyone. But for a fleeting moment, some of my darker emotions from the early NICU days came over me.
Then, Kate and her husband, Toby, meet their baby in the NICU and the tears flow. They flow hard. My instant reaction was to shut it off but I forced myself to watch it. I didn’t want to avoid my fears. So, I grabbed my tissues and sobbed along.
NBC did a wonderful job capturing all the nuances of the NICU, the beeping, the wires, and most importantly, the baby. It all looked so real.
I don’t know about you, but I empathize so hard when I watch This Is Us. It gives me all the feels, and this episode was no exception. All of my emotions came rushing back, the sadness, the fear, the worry, the despair…all of it. I was scared for Kate and Toby. Not just for the immediate situation, but what was to come.
I just kept repeating, “Oh my god…he is so small…. he is so tiny”
It made me realize how small my L was, but I never “knew” it. Of course I knew how much she weighed and saw her every single day, but it never truly registered until that night. It seriously made me think about how numb I was in our NICU days.
My post-show reactions are conflicting. I hate that it was so hard for me to watch it. But, I love what this episode has done for everyone else.
It has given us preemie moms a voice. It has shown the world (the millions of viewers at least) a glimpse of our reality. Of course, I have yet to see what is to come on the upcoming episodes, but I am inclined to think that it will increase the awareness of our journey and let non-NICU families “feel” and understand our world a little better. And, hopefully it will bring to light the importance of mental health during a medical trauma that many have been unaware of up until now.
Unfortunately, moms of preemies, including myself, will likely continue to be triggered through the upcoming episodes. I know I have cringed a little at the thought of the next episode but I am also excited to join Kate’s journey (if you can’t tell already, I’m the type to get real involved in shows 🙂 ).
NICU PTSD is real. Certain sights, smells, noises, and situations can trigger strong emotions, and even make functioning difficult for some. But, I’m here to tell you that it shows up in all degrees. It isn’t always the clinical PTSD we are familiar of when we think of combat veterans. It is in the mom who cries and trembles after a they watch a television show of a NICU. It is in the mom who spends countless hours taking care of her special needs child every day but then falls apart at night when she finally gets a moment to break down.
I don’t say this to scare or diagnose. Actually, quite the opposite. I say this to validate our experiences as preemie moms. And, to know that regardless of the degree of PTSD some of us walk around with, you are not broken. You are living through a very traumatic experience. You are not crazy. You are not alone. You are most definitely not a problem to be fixed, but rather healed.
These recent episodes have helped me to see that I, too, have some degree of PTSD from our NICU journey, and that is OK. It is OK to not be OK, and I will be OK.
It is my hope that these new episodes will nudge some moms out there to seek professional counseling to work through their experiences. I cannot stress enough how vital it has been for me to heal through counseling.
And for those who are already working through their experiences, I hope this helps them to feel validated and just a bit more desensitized to the trauma so that each show day gets just a little easier to bear.
I had no idea the show “This is us” had an episode about this. That show puts me to tears. I hope other moms find the healing you received from counseling as well.
-Norra
Hi Norra! Thank you for your comment. I’m with you—the show has always moved me and even more so with these recent episodes. I hope that other NICU parents find the show validating and encouraging.
-Mary