I know what you are thinking…she doesn’t like to be a mom?!? (GASP) How not? Or…like most of us, you are thinking… FINALLY, SOMEONE ADMITS IT.
Being a mom is tough. It is the one “job” where you are not given any directions and yet are pressured to be phenomenal at it, all of the time. Of course, it isn’t always explicitly stated so, but the message is there.
I have been a mom for almost 20 months, and though it may not be anywhere as long as many of you, I wanted to share my experience and validate that sometimes being a mom isn’t rainbows and butterflies..
I don’t like being a mom because…
- I am winging it 20/7 of the time and the pressure to perform makes me sweat… and I don’t like to sweat
- I love to sleep and I don’t get to do that as much as I would like anymore
- I eat so fast that I don’t even taste my food so in turn I shove a lot more in a shorter amount of time on an infrequent basis which…see below
- My body is no longer mine. There are rolls in places I didn’t know could exist and bumps in places that I don’t want to list (hey, that just rhymed 😉 )
- I do everything in this hurried fashion because there is always a pair of arms tugging on me or this high pitch pterodactyl squeal coming at me in the most inopportune times
- I’ve lost my cool more times than I’d like to admit… I’ve yelled in frustration and have had to take A LOT of breaks and then sat on my kitchen floor crying. Yeah…not the glorious side of parenting.
- I get so worked up sometimes about doing “what’s right” and it gives me such anxiety
- We live in a world where we have to be vigilant of abductors and hurting another is commonplace, and it terrifies me to think of losing her
- Even when I am “alone” I am not away from the many tabs open in my mind
- I am plain old tired
Maybe this is just adulthood, magnified. Definitely magnified. Having to put another’s wellbeing before yours is the epitome of adulthood, except that as a mom, that person is no longer your significant other, friend, even your job….it’s now your own flesh and blood, one that you are solely responsible for to keep safe, healthy, and thriving.
So yes–I don’t like being a mom…but the truth is I love being a mom because…
I get a rush in being present with my daughter, living and learning as we go. I get to do something new each day and that’s freakin’ exhilarating.
I have learned to prioritize my health better so although I sleep less, I sleep well and have more time during daylight, I even make a point to exercise every morning to start my day
And as I lay down to go to sleep, I get this excitement to see my girl’s face in the morning. Like, I miss her even after spending many minutes begging getting her to sleep
Even though I don’t get to eat like I used to (all leisurely and crap), I do enjoy the times I get to even more.
She is the only one who knows how my heart sounds from inside, and how her body melts into mine when I hold her–like puzzle pieces coming together…that is priceless
When she raises her arms towards me, and I am so consumed with the fifteen tasks in front of me, I am blissfully reminded of her love for me and it is so beautiful
I often find that I am pushed to my limits, mainly my patience (if you know what I mean, of course you do), and each day I cherish how much I grow because of her
I love the force of being a mama-bear, it is this fire within me that makes me beam with pride. I wear my mama-bear crown high.
I believe wholeheartedly that she will make (has made) a difference in this world and I get a hand in that–that’s pretty amazing.
No matter how busy life gets and how tired I feel, I realize that after it is all said and done, I have been blessed with this gift. Not only is she a gift to me, what I am to her is also a gift. Who I am, who I strive to be for her, is nothing short of a gift.
You know, before her, I was never one to love children…in fact, I was bewildered how some people could get so giddy about children. But, now I know. Once you experience firsthand how amazing it is to see this little human being grow and learn right before your eyes, it changes you.
I get to witness a true miracle. She came into this world at 1lb 10oz and fought so hard to be here, and never ceases to amaze me with her resilience, strength, and courage. Getting to see how much she learns and grows every single day is nothing short of a blessing, and it literally makes my heart melt each time.
The sweet innocence in her eyes, and the silliness she brings into my day gives me so much joy that makes it ALL worth it. So when, I am in one of my ‘I dislike this mom stuff’ (which is totally OK), I remind myself that this exhaustion from the early years is a season of life for us, one that will drift and I will miss her arms coming towards me one day. So, I vow to stay as present as possible, be my best self for us, to be grateful, and cherish these sweet moments. Because this is the hardest job I will ever love.